How Positive, Choice-Based Training Strengthens Your Bond

Most of us want our dogs to have similar general life skills.

We want them to listen. To come when called. To walk nicely on lead. To settle when we need them to.

But here's the question that matters: do we want compliance or cooperation?

Do we want a dog who obeys because they have no other choice, or a dog who chooses to work with us because the relationship feels good?

The difference between these two approaches is not just ethical but neurochemical. 

It's measurable. And it fundamentally changes the bond you have with your dog.

Choice-based training doesn't mean chaos. It doesn't mean your dog does whatever they want. It means building a relationship where your dog actively chooses to engage with you because trust, not pressure, is the foundation.

The science on this is clear.

Multiple studies have found that dogs trained using positive reinforcement are more obedient than dogs trained with punishment. Not less obedient. More obedient.

Research by Hiby et al. and Blackwell et al. found that dogs trained with only positive reinforcement showed better obedience and fewer behaviour problems than dogs trained with aversive methods. Dogs whose guardians used punishment were more likely to show fear and aggression.

But it's not just about obedience. It's about the bond itself.

When dogs interact positively with their guardians, both species experience an increase in oxytocin - the hormone associated with bonding, trust, and attachment. 

Research published in PNAS found that positive social interactions between dogs and humans create a bio-behavioural feedback loop, with oxytocin release strengthening the bond in both directions.

This isn't just feel-good theory. It's measurable neurochemistry.

Positive reinforcement activates dopamine pathways in the brain - the system associated with pleasure, reward, and motivation. When dogs learn through positive methods, they're not just learning behaviours. They're learning that engaging with you feels good. That cooperation leads to rewarding outcomes. 

That your presence predicts safety and positive experiences.

Punishment, by contrast, activates stress responses. It raises cortisol levels. It creates fear and uncertainty. And over time, it erodes trust.

Research by Vieira de Castro et al. (2020) found that dogs trained with aversive methods displayed more stress behaviours during training, showed higher cortisol elevations, and demonstrated more pessimistic cognitive biases than dogs trained with reward-based methods.

When you use choice-based, positive training, you're not just teaching behaviours. You're building a neurochemical foundation for trust.

Compliance is what happens when a dog learns that obedience is the safest option.

When refusing might lead to pressure, correction, or conflict. When saying "no" feels more dangerous than saying "yes."

Compliant dogs do what's asked because not doing it feels risky. They've learned that their autonomy doesn't matter, that their preferences are irrelevant, that their job is to acquiesce.

Connection is different.

Connection is what happens when a dog chooses to engage because the relationship itself is rewarding. 

When they trust that their "no" will be respected. When they know that cooperation leads to good outcomes, not because punishment looms if they don't cooperate, but because working together genuinely feels good.

True trust shows up not in blind obedience, but in the willingness and opportunity to be honest about discomfort.

He have previously explored Jaak Panksepp's emotional systems - particularly the SEEKING system, the brain's reward and exploration circuitry.

This system is crucial to understanding why choice-based training builds stronger bonds.

The SEEKING system is what generates enthusiasm, curiosity, and the desire to engage with the world. 

When dogs have choice and autonomy in their learning, you activate this system. They're not just passively receiving commands and complying. They're actively seeking solutions, exploring options, problem-solving.

This feels fundamentally different to the dog than compliance-based training.

In compliance-based training, dogs learn to suppress their SEEKING system. They learn that their own initiative doesn't matter. They become passive responders rather than active participants.

In choice-based training, you're activating the system that makes dogs want to engage with you. You're making training itself intrinsically rewarding, not just the treat at the end of it.

This is why dogs trained with positive, choice-based methods often show more enthusiasm for training. They're not working to avoid something aversive. 

They're working because the process itself activates the reward system in their brain.

Research on the human-dog bond identifies several key elements that create strong relationships: trust, reciprocity, mutual respect, and voluntary engagement.

Tannenbaum (1995) noted that strong bonds require relationships to be voluntary and bi-directional. Russow (2002) emphasised that true bonds involve increased trust on the animal's behalf and increased understanding of the animal's needs on the human's part.

Choice-based training addresses all of these elements.

When you give your dog choices in training:

• You build trust. Your dog learns that saying "I'm uncomfortable" or "I need a break" will be respected. They learn that you're safe, that you won't push them past their limits, that their communication matters.
• You create reciprocity. Training becomes a conversation rather than a monologue. Your dog offers behaviours. You respond. They assess and adjust. You do the same. It's collaborative, not hierarchical.
• You demonstrate respect. By honouring your dog's autonomy, you acknowledge them as a sentient being with preferences, not an object to be controlled or manipulated.
• You ensure voluntary engagement. Dogs who are given choices in training choose to engage because it feels good, not because they're trapped in a situation where non-engagement leads to aversive consequences.
  
  

Research by Dogs Trust on measuring the human-canine bond emphasises the importance of representing the dog's investment in the relationship. When dogs have choice, they're actively investing in the relationship rather than simply enduring it.

This is the objection I hear most often.

"If I give my dog choices, won't they just do whatever they want? Won't they become unruly, disobedient, impossible to manage?"

The answer is no. And the research backs this up.

Studies consistently show that dogs trained with positive reinforcement and choice-based methods are more obedient, not less. They're more reliable. They're more responsive.

They're better at generalising learned behaviours to new situations.

Why?

Because choice doesn't mean chaos. Choice means your dog is an active participant in their learning rather than a passive recipient of commands.

Think about it from the dog's perspective. In compliance-based training, the dog learns a simple equation: do what's asked or experience something aversive. This creates a kind of trauma based learned helplessness. The dog stops thinking. They stop problem-solving. They simply wait to be told what to do.

In choice-based training, dogs learn a different equation: cooperation leads to good outcomes, and their input matters. This creates dogs who are more engaged, more thoughtful, and more motivated to work with you.

Research on autonomy and self-determination theory shows that fulfillment of basic psychological needs - including autonomy - is essential for wellbeing. This applies across species.

Dogs who experience appropriate levels of choice and autonomy tend to be more confident, more resilient, and more willing to engage.

Dogs who rarely experience control over their environment become frustrated, anxious, or shut down. They don't become "spoiled." They become stressed.

The key is understanding that choice doesn't mean unlimited freedom. It means giving your dog agency within appropriate boundaries. 

It means respecting their "no" when possible and helping them through necessary experiences (like vet visits) with patience and positive associations rather than force.

Let's get practical.

Choice-based training doesn't require fancy equipment or complicated protocols. It requires a shift in mindset and attention to your dog's communication.

In training sessions:

• Let your dog choose whether to engage. If they walk away, that's information. They might be tired, overwhelmed, or not finding the session rewarding enough.
• Offer multiple ways to succeed. Don't insist on one exact response. If you're teaching "come" and your dog approaches but doesn't sit, reward the approach. You can refine later.
• Build in breaks. Let your dog tell you when they need to pause. Watch for displacement behaviours - sniffing the ground, looking away, lip licking. These are "I need a moment" signals.
• Use cues, not commands. The tone matters. "Shall we practice sits?" is different from "SIT." One invites cooperation. The other demands compliance.

In daily life:

• Let your dog choose walking routes when possible. You set safety boundaries, but they pick which way to go.
• Provide multiple resting spots. Let them choose where to settle.
• Offer choices in enrichment. Present two sniff games and let them pick which one they want to do.
• Ask permission for affection. Reach out your hand and pause. Does your dog lean in or move away? Respect the answer.
• Give them opt-out options. If they're uncomfortable during grooming or handling, pause and let them decide whether to continue.

The pattern is simple: wherever possible, let your dog have input. Respect their communication. Build trust by showing them their preferences matter.

Here's what's happening in your dog's brain when you train this way.

When dogs experience positive interactions and have their choices respected, several neurochemical systems activate:

Oxytocin increases. This is the bonding hormone. It promotes trust, reduces fear, and enhances social connection. Research shows that positive interactions between dogs and humans create a feedback loop - oxytocin release in one triggers oxytocin release in the other, deepening the bond bilaterally.

Dopamine pathways strengthen. Dopamine is associated with reward, motivation, and pleasure. When training uses positive reinforcement and choice, you're building neural pathways that make engagement itself rewarding. Your dog isn't just working for treats. They're experiencing the work as intrinsically satisfying.

Cortisol levels stay regulated. Unlike aversive training methods, which spike stress hormones, choice-based positive training keeps the nervous system in a regulated state. Your dog can actually learn because their brain isn't flooded with stress hormones that interfere with memory consolidation.

The SEEKING system activates. This is Panksepp's curiosity and exploration system. When dogs have autonomy in training, they're actively problem-solving and exploring, which activates the neural circuits associated with enthusiasm and engagement.

Over time, these neurochemical patterns create a dog whose default state with you is trust, enthusiasm, and willing cooperation.

Darcie taught me about pressure and choice.

She's extraordinarily pressure-sensitive. The slightest edge in my voice, the smallest tension in my body, and she shuts down completely. 

Early on, I didn't understand this. I thought I was being gentle. But gentle wasn't enough for her.

She needed genuine choice and control over her own life. I don't think she had ever had that. She had certainly never built self confidence through her own success. 

Now, when we work together, I watch her constantly for the small changes that show overwhelm

If they show up I stop. I give her space. I wait for her to choose to re-engage.

And here's what's remarkable: she does. 

When she knows she can say no, when she trusts that her discomfort will be respected, she chooses to keep working. Not because she has to, but because the relationship feels safe enough to take small risks.

The bond we have now is different than anything I could have built through compliance-based methods. She trusts me because I've proven, repeatedly, that her autonomy matters. 

Now when we are working on her skills Darcie is literally full of joy, something that was build based on trust and not compliance. It's beautiful to see, I'll see if I can film her for you!

The relationship we have now is built on trust, not compliance. And it's stronger for it.

Watch your dog, they can teach you so much if you just give them the chance to. Every single og has a lesson of self awareness for us. 

Research on the human-dog bond consistently emphasises that the strongest relationships are characterised by trust, mutual respect, and voluntary engagement.

When you use choice-based training methods:

• Your dog learns to trust you. Not blind obedience, but genuine trust. The kind that says "this person respects my needs, listens to my communication, and keeps me safe."
• Your relationship becomes collaborative. You're partners, not adversaries. You're working together toward shared goals rather than enforcing compliance through pressure or coercion.
• Your dog develops confidence. Dogs who experience appropriate autonomy become more resilient, more willing to try new things, and better at coping with challenges.
• Behaviour problems decrease. Research consistently shows that dogs trained with positive, reward-based methods show fewer fear and aggression issues than dogs trained with punishment.
• Training becomes enjoyable for both of you. When you're not fighting for compliance, when your dog is actively choosing to engage, training stops feeling like work and starts feeling like connection.
  
  

Studies show that the majority of guardians still use punishment-based methods - approximately 50% use punishment more often than rewards, with only 16-20% using positive reinforcement exclusively.

But the research is unequivocal: reward-based training creates better-behaved dogs and stronger bonds.

The relationship you have with your dog is a choice.

You can build it on compliance - on the understanding that your dog does what you say because the alternative is aversive.

Or you can build it on cooperation - on the understanding that your dog chooses to work with you because the relationship itself is rewarding, because trust flows both ways, because their autonomy is respected.

Both approaches might look similar from the outside. Both might result in a dog who sits when asked, comes when called, walks nicely on lead.

But the internal experience for the dog is completely different. And that internal experience shapes the bond you have.

Choice-based, positive training isn't about being permissive. It's not about letting your dog do whatever they want. It's about recognizing that your dog is a sentient being with preferences, needs, and the capacity for genuine cooperation.

It's about building a relationship worth choosing.

When your dog has autonomy, when their choices are respected, when training activates their SEEKING system rather than suppressing it - they don't just obey you. They actively want to work with you.

And that's the difference between compliance and connection.

That's what builds a bond that lasts and enhances your own life better than any other approach ever could. 

Ready to transform your relationship with your dog through choice-based training?

Join us in Skool For Dog People, where we explore trauma-informed approaches, nervous system science, and practical training methods that honor your dog's autonomy while building genuine cooperation. 

Learn how to read your dog's communication, respect their choices, and create a bond based on trust rather than compliance. 

No pressure methods, no force - just compassionate, evidence-based guidance for building the relationship you both deserve.

Research References:

1. Hiby, E.F., Rooney, N.J., & Bradshaw, J.W.S. (2004). Dog training methods: their use, effectiveness and interaction with behaviour and welfare. Animal Welfare, 13(1), 63-69.
2. Blackwell, E.J., Twells, C., Seawright, A., & Casey, R.A. (2008). The relationship between training methods and the occurrence of behavior problems, as reported by owners, in a population of domestic dogs. Journal of Veterinary Behavior, 3(5), 207-217.
3. Vieira de Castro, A.C., Barrett, J., de Sousa, L., & Olsson, I.A.S. (2020). Carrots versus sticks: The relationship between training methods and dog-owner attachment. Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 227, 104990.
4. Romero, T., Nagasawa, M., Mogi, K., Hasegawa, T., & Kikusui, T. (2014). Oxytocin promotes social bonding in dogs. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 111(25), 9085-9090.
5. Odendaal, J.S., & Meintjes, R.A. (2003). Neurophysiological correlates of affiliative behaviour between humans and dogs. The Veterinary Journal, 165(3), 296-301.
6. Panksepp, J. (1998). Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions. Oxford University Press.
7. Tannenbaum, J. (1995). Veterinary ethics: Animal welfare, client relations, competition and collegiality. Mosby-Year Book.
8. Russow, L.M. (2002). Ethical implications of the human-animal bond in the laboratory. ILAR Journal, 43(1), 33-37.
9. Deci, E.L., & Ryan, R.M. (2000). The "what" and "why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268. [Self-determination theory and autonomy]
10. Rooney, N.J., & Cowan, S. (2011). Training methods and owner-dog interactions: Links with dog behaviour and learning ability. Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 132(3-4), 169-177.
11. Companion Animal Psychology (2012). Positive Reinforcement and Dog Training Series: Summary showing dogs trained with only positive reinforcement are more obedient than dogs trained with punishment.
12. IAABC Foundation Journal (2021). In a Human World: Consent, Autonomy, and the Emotional Wellness of Companion Dogs. Discussion of autonomy and welfare in human-dog relationships.
13. Dogs Trust. Measuring the Human-Canine Animal Bond: Research on representing the dog's perspective and investment in relationships.