Reactivity is not normal — we know that.

But is it usual?
Is it expected?
Is it understandable?

Of course it is.

The canine nervous system simply does not move at the pace of life we have created.

Progress-obsessed humans, desperate to outrun our own minds, living in survival mode, discharging shame into blame onto each other. What chance do our dogs have but to become stressed themselves?

Dog reactivity is everywhere. Is it surprising?

Of course it’s not.

Let’s stop acting like reactive dog behaviour is a flaw, shall we?

Let’s see it for what it is:

1. A perfectly reasonable response to living in a pressure-filled world.
2. A perfectly normal reaction to a disregulated nervous system.
3. A fully expected result of how we excessively breed dogs, and place excessive expectations on them.

Reactivity is not the behaviour of a calm and secure dog.

But so many of us are taking on dogs who have not learned to feel secure, calm, or that their feelings matter.

And so many of us are doing the work to help them feel safe and seen.

We didn't really want to take on an over emotional dog. We might not even have expected it. 

Yet, it happens, because there are so many of them. 

And we often have generations and years of nervous system disregulation to help our dogs through. And it’s hard.

So, don’t make it harder by feeling bad if your reactive dog reacts. It’s normal behaviour in a not-so-normal world.

And most importantly — it is NOT YOUR FAULT.

And of equal importance: when a reactive dog barks, lunges, or freezes, they are not making a choice. 

In fact, reactive dog behaviour is the opposite of choice. It appears when the dog believes they have no choice.

The oldest part of the dog’s brain (the amygdala) and the sympathetic nervous system work together, well beyond any reasonable and logical response. 

When danger appears — and it’s crucial to remember that danger is always decided by the dog — the biology takes over.

A reactive dog might fight, try to take flight, fool around, or even faint during a nervous system response.

Resilience is the art and science of staying well-balanced when life throws us a curveball. Internally, it means a well-regulated nervous system. For our dogs, resilience means they are able to cope in a world they can’t understand and often can’t control.

So, what can we do to help them?

Your dog doesn’t need to obey you to be safe. They need to feel safe with you.

Connection starts with understanding. Engagement doesn’t mean ‘look at me every five seconds’. It means you matter to each other. That you listen to your dog. That your dog trusts you to respond. It means walking together, not marching ahead. It means creating a relationship where your dog knows they can turn to you, not because they were trained to, but because they want to.

Decompression means lowering the sensory volume. It means space, calm, nature, slow movements, and no expectations.

For a reactive dog, decompression is the beginning of healing. This might look like quiet sniffy walks, or just hanging out in the garden without pressure. It isn’t about ‘training walks’ or exposure — it’s about giving the nervous system space to recalibrate.

Dogs need to know what happens next. 

Routine brings safety. 

Predictable rhythms of meals, sleep, walks, enrichment, and quiet time allow the nervous system to settle. A stable pattern helps dogs understand that their world is secure — and with security comes the slow building of confidence.

A reactive dog is not a ‘bad dog’. They are an unsettled dog. And routine helps them find their footing.

Predictable means safety. A nervous system that is on high alert needs to be soothed by the familiar. 

Create repeatable patterns in your daily activities. Enter and exit the house the same way. Use the same cue words gently. Stick to known places and work up to new experiences slowly.

Predictability gives the reactive dog back some control. And control is a vital ingredient in recovery.

A reactive dog often reacts when their sense of choice has been stripped away. True healing begins when we give it back.

Choice in daily life (like whether to approach a person, whether to be touched, when to rest, where to walk) is powerful. It tells the dog that they are safe enough to make decisions. That their body belongs to them. That they are not at the mercy of unpredictable hands or overwhelming environments.

Autonomy builds trust. It builds resilience. And it lessens the likelihood of reactivity, because when a dog has the power to say no, they don’t have to shout it.